Hmong Traditions – Courtship

The courtship in a traditional Hmong culture is not like it is in the United States. The boys and girls tend to stay apart more with a brief period of social contact between the prospective couple, which allows more formal rituals and input from both parents. During the courtship, premarital sexual involvement is strictly prohibited because a “naughty” daughter’s promiscuous sexual behavior would bring the biggest shame and “loss of face” to herself, the good name and reputation of her parents, extended family and clan. The best courtship opportunity, now as in the past, often happens during the New Year Festival when people get together for games, singing and dancing contests, visiting with old friends and relatives, and sharing in big meals. In Laos, a young man might continue the courtship by serenading with his flute, jew’s-harp, or recorder in an attempt to win a girl’s heart. Poems, songs, and music could last late into the night.

This was normally carried out through the house wall which kept the young couple apart, the girl inside and her boyfriend outside.